Here I am blogging again. I think maybe this time I would like to have more of a structure and purpose the blog. I'm not sure yet. Probably will be focused on my life and creating writing. Hope you enjoy this interview with myself.
Basic Interview interview's Christine
BI: Hey Christine! Welcome back to blogging. How are you?
C: I'm doing alright, thanks for asking. Just sitting on my couch doing a fake interview with myself! How are you?
BI: I'm as neutral as possible thank you for asking.
C: Of course.
BI: So what has prompted you to write again?
C: I've been itching to do more of a long prose type writing thing. I've always wanted to write a book so maybe this is just preparation for all of that. I also wanted to do something that isn't art, but something that will require patience and dedication.
BI: Why patience and dedication?
C: WELL if you really want to know....
I've been in a bit of a funk ever since I graduated from college. I realized that I had reached my childhood dreams. There was no plan for afterward, part of me assumed that with money and career and success I'd be happier and life would just somehow take its natural course. It didn't. It remained stagnant and so I became restless.
Restlessness for me means trying to fill that gap with something. Maybe something "fun". Fun for me was reading books, learning things, being stimulated. And then I turned to alcohol and drugs and life just kind of spiralled in the wrong direction. I blamed everything external around me for my depression. Albeit, it wasn't totally my fault. There actually were skills that I was missing in my life that I needed help with. I've learned a lot since then.
Anyway I've been trying to break any bad patterns and behaviours I have by simply observing them and trying to be as aware as possible about them.
BI: How does this relate to patience and dedication?
C: Yes, well see, habits and patterns happen over long stretches of time. I'm trying to observe myself in those chunks of time and trying to tweak any weak or misaligned habits and patterns back to where I want them. I'm trying this thing where I am observing myself outside of myself, and I check in with my outside self once in a while to see my progress. It's like a meta-consciousness I suppose. If the body is the vessel and the brain is the captain, I guess this would be the admiral.
This process of course takes a lot of honest self-patience, self-discipline, and dedication. So far the hardest part is temptation of course.
I struggle with a lot of temptations currently.
Affection, longing, closeness, stimulation, alcohol, coffee, cigarettes....
BI: What are you hoping to get out of this?
C: I'm hoping to chronicle my journey to becoming a better human being. I'm not sure if I've ever been as unstable as I am now, but I hope by setting the intention to do better, to be better, and by recording it maybe it could be a useful tool or a good source of data for someone or something.
Anyway here's a photo of me the day this all started to kick off. In the hospital sick. Heck.
BI: Sounds like fun. I look forward to your future entries! It was nice interviewing you!
C: Thanks, nice chatting with you too. Thanks for all the self-indulgence. Have a good night.
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